Twas the Night Before Patriots Christmas

By Sterling Pingree

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through Gillette
Not a creature was stirring, not a Microsoft tablet.
The stockings all hung by the chimney with care,
coach Belichick hoped a first round bye soon would be their’s.

The Patriots were nestled all snug in their beds,
while visions of Super Bowls danced in their heads.
With Tom in his recovery pajamas and pompom cap,
had just settled in for a long winter’s nap.

When out on the Twitter, there arose such a clatter,
I sprang to my phone to see what was the matter.
With two straight losses and coming apart at the seam,

Reports come out that Josh Gordon is leaving the team.

With the Bills on the schedule and no chances of snow,

it is almost assured the Bills Mafia will not stay in Buffalo.
The Bills and Josh Allen aim to play spoilers,

Like Frank Reich did to the Houston Oilers

Without Gordon running, so lively and fleet,
I knew in a moment the offense incomplete.
More rapid than the Jets? As fierce than the Bills?
Sunday is a must win, a battle of wills.

“Now, Gronkowski! now, White! now, Edelman and Burkhead!
On, screens! On, seams! Run up the score and take the lead!
To the top of the light house! To defend the wall!
Now smash away! Smash away! Smash away all!”

The AFC East title, of which we usually glide,
has been ours for the taking for two weeks in this two week slide.
With “Miracles”, flukes and 1million yellow flag,

The last two weeks on the road has been a tremendous drag.

And then, on an inkling, I heard on the roof,
the dancing and spiking of each giant hoof.
As I drew in my head, and turned toward the sound,
released from suspension, Nick Foles came with a bound.

He was fresh as a daisy, hasn’t played in weeks
his arm is ready, fortified with Geno’s Steaks.
The back up QB, with a penchant for big wins,

Pats fans didn’t like his last big one, but he can pay for his sins.

Houston we have a problem, the Texans are rockin
Texans have been good all year but let’s put coal in their stockin.

Doug Pederson, please do what you can.

Break out that Philly Special or whatever gimmicks you ran.

His eyes-how they twinkled! His dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His call sheet held in front of his face.
The visor, the pats need your help to win this race.

We lost to the Eagles in February and now we need their help
Football works in funny ways sometimes…..welp.
on Sunday at one, we’ll have our eyes on both games,

All we want for Christmas is for both to go our way.

Beat Buffalo at home for the 10,000th time,
at this point in the story I’m struggling with words that rhyme.
Two wins in Foxboro, and some help from Philly.

And Pats fans will toast Christmas and bring back ‘Dilly Dilly!”

Nobody wants socks for Christmas,

I don’t want 14 penalties for Christmas.

Let’s win out and get a first round bye,
A Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!


Sterling Pingree (@sterlingpingree on twitter) is a co-host on The Drive, weekdays 4pm to 6pm on 92.9fm The Ticket and streaming live at Follow us on Twitter, @DriveShowMaine and “Like Us” on Facebook, Drive Show Maine.