By Jeff Solari
After months of studying polling, watching debates, analyzing the pressing issues, and biting a hole clear through my lower lip while suffering through the barrage of political commercials, I have made my selection for President of the United States of America. Actually I even went to the polls and voted early. My vote went to… wait for it…. William Stephen Belichick.
Yup. I swear on Gronk’s party boat that I wrote in Coach Hoodie to be Commander in Chief.
Why you ask? Well, to quote the future leader of the free world, “It is what it is.”
If that doesn’t clear it up, let me give you ten more reasons:
1. Coach Bill always does “What’s best for the team.” Wouldn’t that really be nice from a government official for a change?
2. I think it would be epic to have him roaming the halls of the White House in a sweatshirt with cut off sleeves, sporting Pats shorts and twirling a whistle ready to blow it at some White House aid for not executing their job duties correctly.
3. What foreign leader is going to be able to stare him down across a negotiation table? Trouble with Putin and Russia? He’ll dispose of them as easily as a first round playoff opponent.
4. Who better to welcome championship teams to the White House? Bill’s buddy Nick Saban comes by every year anyway. They could sit in the Roosevelt room and watch game film.
5. Wouldn’t he have to put Ty Law and Lawyer Milloy on the Supreme Court?
6. The annual State of the Union speech won’t preempt our favorite network TV shows because it will only last about 6 minutes. “On to next year. One day at a time. Not looking back. Not looking ahead. Thanks for coming. Go get the Secretary of the Interior out of the bunker.” And just like that we are back to Modern Family.
7. Its taken years for the New England press to learn how to work with him. Wouldn’t it be priceless to see Anderson Cooper speechless just once?
8. He could fill his cabinet with other coaches he respects like Andy Reid and Mike Tomlin. He could even finally be rid of Rex Ryan. Appoint him Ambassador of Tanzania. See ya!
9. He has shown the ability to remain competitive through the NFL salary cap era. If he can do that he can surely handle $19 trillion in national debt, right?
10. I’d love to see him walk over to Capitol Hill, grab the red hankie from his sock and toss it in the face of some Senator who dared to vote against a White House initiative.
So on Tuesday as you head into the booth, consider writing BB for President.* Maybe we can get him at least one of the state’s Electoral Votes.
* I’m Jeff Solari and I approve this message.
Jeff Solari (@SolariJeff) is a co-host on The Drive, weekdays 4pm to 6pm on 92.9fm The Ticket and streaming live at DriveShowMaine.com. Follow us on Twitter, @DriveShowMaine and “Like Us” on Facebook, Drive Show Maine.