In the summer of 2010, Aaron Jackson and Sterling Pingree started a tradition like many others they have; watch the NBA Draft and eat great food. Surrounded by pizza and wings the two of them fearlessly predict (generally unsuccessfully) who will be picked where, but regardless of their prowess of prognostication the results are always entertaining. Get your wing sauces and fill up your cup, this is Aaron and Sterling’s NBA Draft Real Time Recap.
Sterling: 5 minutes till the 76ers go on the clock, I think, ESPN has kept the actual start time of this thing a better secret than the reasons they let Bill Simmons go.
Aaron: Fran Fraschilla just went through a list of his favorite IKEA pieces. Or foreign players. Not sure.
Aaron: NBA salary cap is going to go up significantly. Teams have to spend 90% of available funds. I might have to take a max deal just to help out the Sixers.
Sterling: Back in my day being a max-guy meant something! My guess is the Celtics take Kris Dunn at 3 and use him to lure Philly into doing something stupid. Favorite last rumor I saw: Milwaukee trades Khris Middleton and Greg Monroe to Boston for #16-#22 and a player. I put this one at about the same odds of signing Kevin Durant. Here’s the commish.
Aaron: Do you think Adam Silver (NBA Commish) has hair envy? There are some dudes with some major hair in this draft.
Sterling: That’s the biggest difference between the NFL and NBA drafts. The NFL picks can never fit the hat over their braids, which is ironic because theirs is the sport that wears helmets.
Aaron: Marc Stein says Celtics offered Nerlens Noel, two late first rounders and Robert Covington for the 3. Why would the Celtics want 2 more draft picks? That’s like having 3 forwards that are high draft picks and taking a 4th number 1. Oh…wait. Ben Simmons goes number 1.
Sterling: I’m really guarded right now. All in on trading the 3 for Okafor, but so help me god if Danny Ainge turns the #3 into Nerlens Noel, I will burn this room to the ground. TO THE GROUND!
Aaron: Can someone get Lisa Salters some stilts? Maybe a step ladder? One of those really old school game show microphones that are 4 feet long?
Sterling: Ingram goes to the Lakers. Now the real fun begins. The Boston Celtics are on the clock.
Aaron: Did you know Brandon Ingram shot 43% from 3 in college? They only have told me that 10 times in the last half an hour. Sterling’s dad just called. Draft analysis from him : “Ingram looks sleepy.” I think he needs to go on the Anthony Buffet Bennett diet plan.
Sterling: Pick is in……..allege? Jalen Rose just called Jahlil Okafor a ball stopper, to which Bilas said “He stops the ball by putting it through the hoop.” BURN.
Sterling: The Celtics select: JAYLEN BROWN SF- CALIFORNIA!
Aaron: Can’t say I’m a big fan of this one. Still thinking he’s traded, but Kris Dunn seemed like the best trade value guy.
Sterling: Surprising pick, seems like the pick they are most likely to keep. Also feels like Ainge was set on trading the pick and he got caught holding the bag when the market fell apart.
Aaron: Jalen Rose spends two minutes talking about the lack of point guards on Phoenix. They have Brandon Knight and Eric Bledsoe, two all star caliber point guards. Great analysis. They take Dragan Bender, or as Jeff Solari calls him, Dragonball Z. Fran Fraschilla says Bender is a 7-1 piece of silly putty. Bender. Putty. I get it. Wolves take Hield or Dunn here. Book it now.
Aaron: Kris Dunn it is. Great pick for the Wolves. I think most Celtics fans would give up their firstborn to have the roster Minnesota has right now.
Sterling: Dunn is crying, “My mother passed away, I know she’s looking up at me.” Okay. Nice fit, would switch rosters in a second with Minnesota. Heck, I’d trade the Celtics for Karl Anthony-Towns.
Aaron: Hold on. Be right back. Browsing online for JC Penney suits and Gucci shoes.
Aaron: Pelicans will take Buddy Hield here at 6. If I’m the Celtics I try to trade up now and go after Jamal Murray. I really like him, and Boston needs to consolidate picks badly.
Sterling: Aaron, you’ve just been drafted, tell me the 3 worst moments of your life.
Aaron: Murray goes to Denver at 7. I really like this kid. Reese Davis says he will even lead all Wookies in scoring. I didn’t even know he was one.
Aaron: Marquese Chriss to the Kings, though he’s headed to Phoenix for someone or something.
Sterling: Apparently Marquese Chriss fouls a lot. That’s a skill set you don’t find every day.
Aaron: Jakob Poeltl goes to Toronto. He’s my top choice as a top 10 guy that won’t be in the league in three years.
Sterling: Well they’re comparing him to Chris Kamen but showing Chris Kamen in Portland highlights. Is that a back handed compliment? Is that any kind compliment?
Sterling: Meanwhile, I’m running head long into “6 picks until the Celtics at 16 and we need to take Arvydas Sabonis’ kid!” mode.
Aaron: Big fan of Domantas, would be a good get for Boston. Jordan Mickey and Sabonis would be a heck of a frontcourt for years to come. Thon Maker goes 10 to Milwaukee. He is either 19 or 40 years old. No one knows.
Sterling: Rose, Wilbon and Bilas clearly haven’t been watching enough ESPN. They keep saying these teams need to draft size, when all season we heard that the league is going smaller and faster. Makes total sense.
Aaron: Sabonis goes 11 to Orlando. Great pick by them. Another team with a roster the Celtics would likely love to have. I’m starting to notice a trend.
Sterling: Can the Celtics draft Arvydas?
Aaron: I’ve always wondered how good Arvydas would’ve been had he come over at a much younger age.
Sterling: If I had a nickel for every time someone has told me “You should’ve seen him before he came to America” by someone who almost definitely did NOT see him play before he came to America, I’d have $7.65.
Aaron: Big trade that’ll be announced shortly. Thanks Twitter. Serge Ibaka is headed to Orlando in exchange for Victor Oladipo, Ersan Ilyasova and rights to Sabonis. Love this trade for Oklahoma City. Ibaka never made the leap we thought he was capable of.
Sterling: Did you see Ibaka in the playoffs? Nobody did.
Aaron: Are we sure Juan Hernangomez isn’t just Adam Morrison (Gonzaga, Bobcats, Lakers) after some plastic surgery?
Sterling: Celtics are on the clock. I think the league colluded against the Celtics. You want to accumulate a stock pile of picks? Well then we’re gonna sit right here and watch you make every one of them. It’s the equivalent of your parents catching you smoking a cigarette and making you smoke a whole carton.
Aaron: Danny Ainge has just traded the 16 pick…for a lifetime supply of Chipotle and toilet paper. Ainge loves his Chipotle, though so do I.
Sterling: If the Celtics take the Kentucky kid dressed as Barney so help me I’ll……..oh good we took a French power forward.
Aaron: Giselle Yardsale goes 16 to the Celtics.
Sterling: I love the 3 highlights he has, a thick rebounder who can shoot? Sure, I’m in, seems like a fun guy to have play preseason games. Welcome to the Red Claws Yabu!
Sterling: 20 picks in and we’re losing steam. Jackson has almost slid off the couch. Things are bad.
Aaron: The couch is slippery. Sacramento Kings take Malachi Richardson at 22. Terrible pick. He’s out of the D-League in 3 years. Celtics up next. Fingers crossed it’s Ben Bentil from Providence. Big, strong player, knocks down 3’s, not afraid of the spotlight. Capable of playing right away.
Aaron: Reese Davis “Fran, tell us more about ZZZZIZIZIIZZCCCIC”. He’s the newest Celtic! Fraschilla says they’ll let him develop overseas. I feel like teams “stashing picks” in Europe is the equivalent of the witness protection program. “Listen, we don’t really know what to do here, so we’re going to take you and then pretend like you don’t exist. In a year fans will forget all about you.”
Sterling: “He has a mean streak.” Does Fran believe we think all foreign players are made of marshmellow fluff? By the way, is one of these teams in Serbia sponsored by Sweet Frog?
Aaron: “I like to do the defense.” Timothe Luwawu-Cabarrot, 24th pick by Philadelphia
Aaron: Tom Penn talks to the viewers as if they’re a bunch of preschoolers. “Unrestricted, that’s a BAD WORD if you’re a Thunder fan. This dollar sign means teams have money to spend. I like to mix my peanut butter AND MY JELLY when it goes on your sandwich.” Only one of those statements were false. Meanwhile Philly just took Furkan Korkmaz. Sterling thinks that was the song from The Grinch Who Stole Christmas.
Sterling: “He dunks the ball.” Well good, I’m glad that a first round pick can dunk. Also, why can’t I be an analyst for international players? I’d have fans buying jersey’s with the talents I’d make up for these guys. “Oh yeah, Ante Zizic has the biggest feet you’ve ever seen. Also, his mom won a national sled dog race 23 years in a row before she was forced to retire due to her dominance. Ante got his name because his dad won him in a poker game with by bluffing with a pair of 2’s. He once dunked on a rim mounted on the back of a haywagon villagers said was atleast 12 feet high.”
Sterling: ESPN just showed a montage of players who haven’t been drafted looking sad. Which gave us the moment Jackson dubbed, “Best Draft Moment of the night!!!”
Aaron: Sterling is playing Candy Crush. If he sends me a Facebook request for that game we are no longer friends.
Aaron: Suns trade 28 to the Kings, who take Skal Labissiere from Kentucky. Was awful with the Wildcats, doubt that pans out. Especially since they took the Georgio kid earlier. So now they have taken two 7 footers while also, you know, having the best 7 footer in the league in DeMarcus Cousins.
Sterling: “Skal, this is the greatest moment of your life. Let’s talk about the worst moment of your life. What was that like?” What are these interviews? Oprah?
Sterling: We’ve completed the first round. This night never could have match the hype and hope that Celtic fans had, but the rest of the draft feels like a bit of a letdown as well. Unless of course you’re an OKC fan, then you got a lot better.
Aaron Jackson and Sterling Pingree are Co-hosts on The Drive, weekdays at 4pm on 92.9fm The Ticket. Stream The Drive live on DriveShowMaine.com. Follow us on Twitter, @DriveShowMaine and “Like Us’ on Facebook, Drive Show Maine.